leonard wolfgram: BONE CRUNCHERS
Hullette Hugh bucked off at fall roundup
Boys hadn’t seen ‘im for quite sometime
When the door to the Hurry Back opened
In steps this ray of sunshine
His face had a ghastly pallor
He walked with a noticeable gimp
Feet shufflin’, he couldn’t walk
Each step brought a low whimper
The boys said “Hugh what happened”
Sit down we’ll buy you a brew”
Whitewood Walt said. “Hugh, ya look awful”
What’n hell happened to you?”
Hugh said, “after buckin’ off da fall roundup
I had this crick in muh neck
So, I went to see this bone cruncher
See if’n there was somthin’ ta fix
He stretches me out on a table
Jumps on my back, lands with both knees
A strangled scream stuck in muh throat
I blacked out for a minute or three
Then sits on muh back facin’ backwards
He twists muh left leg; I let’s out a howl
Then does the same with the right one
Then tries to tie ’em like shoelace bow
Then pivots round grabs my right arm
Yanks it back by muh left ear
Wraps his leg round under muh chin
Like he’s wrasslin’ a grow’d up steer
Then he twists muh head ’round like a chicken
I let out a gargled scream
Muh eyes crossed but I could see
The Wrangler W on the butt of muh jeans!
Then he sits on muh back’n starts jumpin’
Felt ever bone in muh back snap!
Then climbs off’n rolls me over
Says “you’ll feel better’n a day’n a half”!
Well boys I can tell ya
This bone crunchers a real go-getter
I heard him say as I crawled out the door
“Tomorrow ya’ll feel a whole lot better”!
Well three months is gone come Monday
An’ if it don’t beat all with a stick
Finally got so I can walk again
But I still got this crick kin muh neck!
So fellers I can tell ya
An’ it’s becomin’ muh firm belief
Don’t believe them shingles that tell ya
“Come in fer instant relief”!
